


Girlfriend

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [186]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gender Issues, Good Boyfriend James Potter, Mild Sexual Content, Trans Sirius Black, mtf sirius black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Sirius wants to be James's girlfriend, not his boyfriend.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [186]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/752925
Comments: 6
Kudos: 114





	Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “So, non binary or maybe trans mtf sirius through their Hogwarts years, Sirius comming out and James being the best boyfriend ever and those things…”

James grinned at Sirius, bright and wide. "We're going to be best mates for the rest of our lives." 

"We are?" 

James nodded. He was so earnest. So sure of himself. Sirius copied him about half the time because he wanted to be that confident too. "You'll see." 

Years later, James asked him on a date. Sirius worried that it would change their friendship, but James assured him that they were still going to be best mates for the rest of their lives. He sounded so sure about it, that Sirius didn't let it worry him too much. 

* * *

Sirius didn't know what to do. Looked at the guys in Gryffindor Tower and didn't feel like one of them. Look at the girls and felt more like them. The trousers of the school uniform felt strangely constricting. 

Didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to think. Didn't want to talk to James about it, because if this was a phase or summat, it would be a really awkward conversation for nothing. Besides, what could James do or know that Sirius wouldn't be able to figure out? 

* * *

Sirius stood on the first step up to the girl's dormitory. Boys couldn't get on the staircase, or it turned flat like a slide. Sirius was standing on it, and it was staying firm as a staircase. 

This didn't help explain anything. Sirius still didn't know what to do, all this did was seem to hammer in that _something_ had to be done. Frankly, it was a miracle Sirius had managed to get any sleep since starting to worry about all of this. 

"Sirius?" Lily asked. 

Sirius pasted on a grin and turned to face her while taking a step down to the common room level and hoping that she hadn't noticed. "Hey, Lily. What's up?" 

Lily had a serious look on her face, but not like Sirius was in trouble-- not a combination Sirius was used to, mind. "You want to talk?" 

"About what?" Sirius asked, hoping that she wasn't talking about the staircase thing. Sirius's heart was beating nervously hard, the traitor. It was more difficult to pretend everything was fine when it had reactions like that. 

She didn't answer at first. She had a look like this was a delicate situation, and the slightest provocation could send Sirius running. She turned to the side so that there was enough space for someone to pass by. "You want to come up? Little more privacy that way." Not that there was anyone in the common room. Sirius wouldn't have tried it if there had been, but there was always the risk of someone coming in. That's how Lily had snuck up-- Sirius had been facing the portrait hole, watching that way. 

"Blokes can't go up the girls' stairs. Everyone knows that." 

"Are you still a bloke?" she asked, her voice free of judgment. 

Sirius still flinched. It was one thing to think about it; it was quite another to have someone else say it aloud. 

"It's not a big deal," Lily said gently, but that had to be a lie. 

"Maybe not to you," Sirius muttered, then wanted to vanish. That had been as good as saying she was right. 

"What I mean is, it doesn't _have_ to be a big deal. Just... if you're confused, talking to someone might help. And I think that if you were going to talk to your mates, you would've done it already." 

"I haven't talked to any of them because I don't know what I'd say," Sirius said defensively. 

"Right. And we're... I mean, friendly but not _friends_ , so I thought it might take the pressure off." Expression open, she motioned up the stairs in invitation. 

Sirius glanced at the boys' staircase, then nodded. 

Lily smiled comfortingly and led the way. 

Each step should've felt more monumental-- and in a way it did, but for the most part, Sirius felt like the first one had been the hardest. If Sirius had been able to stand on the first one for that long, then the staircase wasn't going to even out ten or twenty or thirty steps later. 

* * *

Sirius had talked with Lily. Lily hadn't convinced her of anything except to be confident, like she used to be. Who cared if she made a mistake in saying she was a girl? Thinking it, saying it, living it, made her feel better. Happier. She talked to Lily a couple more times before deciding that she wanted to do something. 

Not that she'd really done anything about it, yet. 

Sirius talked to Lily some more, then the other girls in the dormitory, and they were all cool with her moving in there. Before she went and asked McGonagall to move dorm rooms, she wanted to talk to James about it, though. It would just make things easier, plus she was used to talking to him about everything. Sirius was paranoid about all sorts of terrible things happening, but most of them werne't realistic. Worst case scenario was... was... well, that James broke up with her. Technically, James had asked Sirius to be his _boyfriend_ , something he was no longer capable of doing. If they broke up, then at least Sirius wouldn't have to hide all the crying she was going to do. 

Not, she reminded herself, that it was a given. James had never expressed interest in women before, but there was a first time for everything. Of course, because the universe wasn't willing to do her another solid-- not so soon after giving her Lily at the opportune moment-- James wasn't in his dormitory when Sirius went up. None of the guys were there. 

Sirius sighed and figured that talking to McGonagall first wouldn't be so bad after all. She wasn't about to chase them across the castle to talk to them when she didn't even know what she wanted to say. 

Professor McGonagall took the request pretty easily once Sirius said that she'd already talked to the other girls about it-- whether that was a piece of acceptance that was necessary, or that bit of information convinced her that it wasn't a prank, Sirius didn't know and she didn't care to guess. Professor McGonagall also asked if a different name needed to be down on her roster which... honestly had not occurred to Sirius. Maybe she'd change her mind about it later, but for now, her name was the only thing that still really felt like her. Professor McGonagall said she'd have the house elves move her things, which meant Sirius had to get back there as soon as possible to head off any of the Marauders seeing it and panicking. For a group of supposedly pranksters, they sure did worry a lot-- not that Sirius minded or was immune to it herself. 

She was too late to prevent it from happening entirely. In the time since she'd last been in the dormitory and getting back, the rest of them had gotten in there. By the time she opened the door, they were gathered around the empty spot where her bed had been. James, in particular, looked to be freaking out. 

" _There_ you are," Peter said. 

"What the hell happened?" Remus asked. 

James just gestured to the empty space emphatically, clearly having trouble getting his thoughts to form words. 

"Erm." This would be the moment were she said it. Whatever 'it' might be. She'd tried to think of something to say on the entire walk from McGonagall's office to the Gryffindor Tower and come up with absolutely nothing. 'I'm a girl' was probably her best bet. Straight to the point, and nice and short. Very little space for her to get too nervous and not be able to finish. Three little words. She could do that. 'I'm a girl.' She could say that. Hell, usually when she _started_ talking around them, she never stopped until someone interrupted her. Sirius took a breath. The words stayed stubbornly in her chest. She felt like throwing up. She took another breath, but that only made it worse. "Merlin," she muttered miserably. "James, can I talk to you for a second?" Maybe that would take enough of the pressure off that she'd be able to get it out. 

"Sure," James said, looking slightly more put together but not any less worried. He followed Sirius out into the hall, and she shut the door on their friends. She took a quick glance and didn't see anyone coming on either side of the stairs. 

"I'm moving dorms," she blurted. 

"I-" James frowned, thrown, and utterly confused. "What? Like you're in a new House? Can they even do that? And why would you agree? Being a Gryffindor kicks arse, there's no reason to leave it, even though Moony doesn't make it easy by leaving his bloody socks all over the floor-- think I even found one in my bed once. But really, there's no reason to leave over _that."_

"I'm not moving Houses." 

"Then where are you going?" 

"To the girls' dormitory." 

James blinked at Sirius. "But only girls live there." 

"...Yeah," Sirius said, looking at him meaningfully and hoping that her point was getting across. 

James blinked again. "Oh. Oh, okay. Is that- I mean, y'know, permanent?" 

"What do you mean 'permanent'?" 

"I- well, I dunno. Like you're never going to share a room with us again?" 

"Not during school, no," Sirius said, even though she hadn't really thought about it that way. She'd gotten used to falling asleep next to James after a nightmare; she didn't know what she was going to do now, when that happened. Walking all the way over wasn't a viable option. 

James's throat worked. "Alright. I mean, I would've liked to know about it before it happened, but... yeah. Okay." He moved like he was going to give her a quick kiss, then froze. "Are we- I mean." He motioned between them. 

"Still dating?" Sirius supplied, and he nodded. "I'd like to be. I get it if you want to break up, though." 

James immediately shook his head, and it was instant relief to Sirius's nerves. Everything was going to take some getting used to-- for both of them and the rest of the Gryffindors in their year-- but at least Sirius didn't need to worry about how James felt for her. It might change later, but she sort of doubted that. The worst reaction was the beginning one. At least, according to Alice. Sirius was inclined to believe that she knew what she was talking about, since it's not like Sirius had any _better_ guesses about how this was going to go. "I love you. This is going to take some getting used to, but I can do that. I have to start thinking of you like a girl. Can't be too hard, right?" he asked, a touch nervously. 

"I managed it easily enough," Sirius said with a crooked smile. "Anything I think is easy can't be too bad for you." 

* * *

Sirius had thought of the possible bad reactions-- none of which had happened with her friends because they were great-- but she hadn't considered the _weird_ reactions. She sat down next to James the next morning, across from Peter and Remus, just like always, and the conversation paused. They froze for a moment. Like they didn't know what to do now that she was there. "Something on my face?" 

"Other than makeup?" Peter asked, peering at her mouth curiously. 

"I've worn makeup before," she said defensively. Of course, back then, it had only been eyeliner and the occasional brush of eyeshadow. 

"Not lipstick," Peter said. 

Sirius rubbed her lips together self-consciously. She'd thought that it looked good. Marlene had said it worked. 

"You look great," James said, smiling at her earnestly. He looked at her the same way he always did, which did wonders for making her feel better. He pressed a kiss to her cheek, which had the effect of both warming her stomach and making her wonder why he hadn't kissed her on the mouth like he usually did. 

"One kiss isn't going to bugger up the lipstick," she said with a smirk. 

James blinked, then chuckled, a little self-deprecating. "Right." He kissed her again. 

"You okay?" she asked quietly. 

"Yeah, I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing differently." 

"How about nothing?" 

James didn't get it. "What do you mean? I thought- well, I thought that part of the point was that things _are_ different." 

"It's different because I'm not a bloke. We're still mates. We're still dating. I'm your girlfriend, not your boyfriend. That's pretty much it. Maybe later, we'll change shite, but right now, just... treat me like you always do." Sirius glanced at Peter and Remus. "That goes for you two as well. I'm still a Marauder, even if I'm living in the girl's dormitory." 

* * *

"You sure you're okay?" Sirius asked, a touch breathlessly. She moved her head to one side to give James better access to her neck. "I know you liked how I looked in the other uniform." 

James chuckled, his breath puffing warm against her skin. "Right, because that was my main attraction to you: your clothes." 

"You never know." 

James bit down, and she whimpered, hips jerking. "This is better actually," he said, one hand going up under her skirt to squeeze her arse. 

"How so?" 

"Easier access." 

Sirius laughed, pushing her arse into his hand. "Nice to know there are perks to being myself." 

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


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